Gabriel

He presents himself terribly late for the photoshoot, yet my annoyance at his tardiness immediately dissipates as he enters the studio with a flurry of expressive hand-gestures.  This boy got’some personality… and I am Living!  

Intersecting (-)spaces

As we sit down to start the interview, it’s made apparent that Gab bends perceptions of the masculine.  His tenderness and projection of love toward the world in sweet sentiments are matched only by his hyper-masculine and virile physique.  Arguably, he is the inclusive masculine.  As he undresses, the thic-appeal is strong. Many gay men of his generation seem overly pre-occupied with the narcistic projection of false masculinity and defined features, yet Gab embodies a projection of confidence for his own being within his body.  He enjoys the bulking phase of body-building and lamented on the pressures of “leaning” out for “the” summer body – a body that he does not identify as being his own. 

It’s not clear if Gab shares this perception of himself, but I see in him a movement within the gay community that is coming to healthier terms with body image and the embracing of lifestyles that actually encourage a healthy relationship to food.  Further observed that this relationship to food coincides with a strong desire for rest, exercise, social experience and meaningful relationships.  Yet, when I think of the totality of his being, this constitutes just a fragment of the beautiful soul that stands naked before me.  

As a gay Latino from Mexico, his decision to embrace a queer life is challenged by his deeply Catholic and conservative upbringing.  She was open to sharing the tensions that arise and the passive manners in which his family would critique in life in Canada – not often directly commenting on sexuality, but navigating the grey areas of body image and family honor.  When the subject of his family is broached, there is a palpable shift in the air as the joy begins to diminish and a sadness (no, thats not quite the right word) descends on his eyes.  His posture begins to slump as he looks up at the camera with a heart wrenching expression.  As a relatively privileged individual, I don’t know that I will truly know the feelings whelming up in the mind and body.  What I do observe is the strength and resilience that comes from his lived experience, and the honor I felt to have, even just for a brief moment, a glimpse into this beautiful person.

 The piece illustrates the intersections of his being as absence, allowing the expressive nature of his exteriority to come through the masking of white paint.Using the tangential lines from the studio ladder as prop in the photoshoot, the voids intersect along these tangential lines illustrating Gab’s divergence with masculine heteronormative ways of being.The foundation of the piece constitutes layers of black and white paper images over recycled canvass.Then layering the same imagery in color to illustrate the dimensional shifts of his physical presence in this world.The voids were then layered upon the imagery taking into consideration the tangential forms in the photographs.Lastly, a full sketch of Gab centers the piece without over powering any one image.The piece is finished with a heavy coat of resin.

Dear God

My own personal connection to Christianity, like most peoples, is a complicated one. Like many others, my mind is littered with unpleasant memories that hold past experiences; a plagued mind with feelings of guilt, anxiety, anger, abandonment and negation.  This piece represents the tripartite experiences of Gabriel, Ricardo (more on him later), and myself.  The backdrop of the piece is a papered canvass with the repeating lyrics of Dear God by XTC.  The clip art text, which pulls words from popular men’s travel and fashion magazines contain other forms of memory linked to the deep seeded alliance between religion and toxic masculinity.  Together, the scripture of the top left corner reads: “The book for men is the manual; a legend of the deep. The endorsement as a legacy laid bare.”  It is this wretched conflation of toxic attitudes combined with religious rhetoric that reinforces the patriarchy that holds society.  Yet there is a sense of hope – an ability to look past the rhetoric – to see new possible futures for the masculine as we embrace the diversity of gender identities and sexualities, while also acknowledging and holding deep respect for ethnic, racial and cultural differences that ought to constitute a gestalt of being that far exceeds the limitations of the toxic. 

Moving from the scripture, a sketch of Gabriel centres the piece, and is flanked by two expressions of his distinctly emotive condition.  To the upper left, massive arms extend forward with joy as if to embrace the audience, with the highlights of the image gilded in 23 k gold.  Similarly, the highlights of the bottom left image, and the bottom right image of Ricardo, are clad in the same shimmering sunlight.  In this image, Gabriel sits in contemplation while basking in the golden light of his own minds creation – his knowledge.  

The relationship between religion and this precious element run deep in Mexican culture.  Gold, the metal of the sun, was used to craft religious objects and jewelry to demonstrate their devotion to the light.  In the colonization of the region by the Spaniards, this precious cultural material was stolen from their lands to create new religious and decorative objects in the far off Spain.  The crude application of the gilded leaf signifies golds conflated status as cultural artifact and the inherent violence that is brought about when sought after. Below Ricardo lay in the image of an antique bible with gold inlay and an ink sketch of Ricardo in the same pose.  Here there is a double effect which is consequential in illustrating the negation of the subjects image, which is, in-fact, an actor in the double negation of the subject.  This illustrates the illusion of being lost in the occupation of Christianity while attempting to seek the light past the colonial rhetoric.

As the artist, I see myself in this piece as the settler attempting to reconcile one’s own history.Thinking back to my youth and the many attempts by the local Baptist church to assimilate the young minds of the community, there is a distance between my lived experience and that of the subjects contained within the piece.Yet, through a light based phenomena, the resin finish of the piece creates the mirror that allows me, as the viewer, to not only experience the work, but to enter into it, and to experience the violence of rhetoric and gold.