Stephen

This is Stephen’s story.  But which Stephen?  In this wonderful encounter, do I get to know the il y a of this handsome man, or am I speaking to the autrui of Stephen - the other Stephen, and which other?  Does the singularity of Stephen appear to me as the interruption of his ego?  Do I see the Face of this young man?  And how is this expressed in this intimate narrative of sex and chemicals; of liberations and balancing acts?  The trace of a young man’s story that unfolds for me, exposed and never really encountered.

Owning PrEP

Here before me is a man determined to discover his inner most desires and pleasures, all the while, using chemical protections to harbour his physical self from the hazards of this physical world, a viral world - a non-living threat -  a negation of living.  Tiny little molecules coursing through his blood, safeguarding his immune system from an onslaught of foreign invaders.  Well, only if it were that simple.  If only a magic pill, a miraculous vessel that which contains a chemical arsenal, could destroy all these non-living things that threaten his very existence.

Its a calculated risk, a researched one.  A recreational activity - a pursuit - that allows total sexual freedom.  But is it freedom?  When one must constantly monitor blood levels; organ sepsis; signs of infection - signs of harm, what kind of freedom can really be enjoyed.  Kidneys and liver are closely monitored, bone density levels checked - supplements taken to counter the erosion of the body.  And protection from what, from one, and only one threat. 

In my time with Stephen, I encounter the Business Analyst, the one responsible for every calculated step - the one who researches epidemiological studies; runs probability scenarios and studies infection rates and control protocols.  I meet and greet the Turbo Slut, the one who turns social shame into a badge of honour.  The one who owns Stephen’s sexual identity. I meet the Partner, the polyamorous other.  The one who negotiates with the Turbo Slut and the other other - the long distance relationship.

Stephen is comfortable with his decisions, and celebrates these freedoms in the way he know how, as constrained as they may be.  I guess it just comes down to compromise.