Donnie

By way of background, Donnie is a professional adult movie actor, a local escort and an avid steroid user.  When combined with an extremely rigid exercise and dietary regime, his use of performance enhancing medication affords him the ability to maintain an almost god like physique.  Donnie presented with a severe degree of acne and scaring, which was observed on his back.  The presence of this acne is consistent with prolonged and excessive steroid use.  At the time of the interview and photo shoot, Donnie was ending a same-sex relationship with an individual who also engaged in escort/trade work; who was a devoted steroid abuser.  The partner was volatile, quick to temper, and was both physically and psychologically abusive.  Donnie expressed in the interview the various techniques he would employ to hide the bruising and scars from those violent encounters.

Sex, Steroids + Idealism

Donnie enters my home and we begin to engage in some pretty simple small talk.  “So how’s your day going? That sort of thing.  It becomes quite apparent, rather quickly, this young man is very comfortable in his skin.  After a minute of small talk, the clothes are off and this beautiful man stands before me, fully exposed.  He is relaxed, yet presents with one minor neurosis: he begins to fluff his genitalia to ensure that it remains as large as possible, while ensuring that he does not acquire an actual erection. 

The conversation quickly unfolds in a comfortable manner as Donnie begins to openly discuss his experiences as an adult actor, escort, and how he manages an incredibly complex fitness and dietary regime.  After two hours, I decided to conclude the photo shoot and interview as the conversation had turned.  At one point, it became clear that Donnie was hoping to engage in his trade work, and with my dignity and integrity intact, he was compensated for his time and excused from my home.  It was awkward.

In reviewing the various photos from the session, and reflecting on the conversation with Donnie, I decided to depict the piece through the classic David and Goliath pose made famous by Italian master painter Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio.  Here the story unfolds as the subject is holding the painter’s head, gazing down in his false superiority over the painter.  But there is also concern on the subject’s visage.  The captive painter is compelled to look upon the subject’s physique.  There is a helplessness that exists for the painter.  And from this vulnerability, stem questions that challenge the painter’s idealization of the subject.

The subject’s torso is exposed, which is how he portrays himself to the world, both onscreen and in the bedroom with the local John.  His back is turned away from the light to hide the scaring from old out-breaks and from the intimate-partner violence.  The light travels across the subject’s arm leading the painter’s gaze up toward the face of the subject, partially obscured in shadow.  The furrowed brow of the subject is contrasted by light and shadow, giving rise to the expression of the subject.  The painters gaze looks past the surface of this beautiful torso, and imagines the damage occurring to the subjects’ organs.  Cysts, like the acne and trauma on his back, are forming on the subjects’ liver, pancreas, and kidneys.  If this lifestyle persists, the subject’s health will continue to erode, and the attention of the painter will shift to a new subject.  The subjects concern is justified.